Burning Beneath

I believe I can feel her rising as the flames continue to surround her internal being. She feels the burn in her soul from these moments of change and she takes notice of the exhaustion from her body pressing against the spaces that cause her fear and uncontrollable vulnerability. She continues to push — believing that she has a place to land that will offer her comfort, balance and the foundation she seeks. In the throws of emotion and exhaustion, the moments of life don’t stand still, they keep showing up and asking for what they need. The challenge is remembering to stay present in each moment, knowing the moment is gone after you blink or breathe. 

I’m trying to know her again but she seems so distant and distracted and I’m not sure if she’d appreciate me being so close to her while she continues to thrash around in the process of healing. I dream we would become best friends if we had the time to get to know one another, but right now she is so wounded and twisted that she can’t stop feeling the unhealed scars that rest beneath her surface. The breath she breathes, the words that rest on her tongue, the emotions she senses within herself all feel like spaces she has not known until now. 

I know she is tired and wants to rest for the time, but now she must dig deeper and find what she needs so she can continue to reach the places she seeks. Her body is here although altered and new, her emotions run around like small toddlers on a mission. I’m trying so hard to sooth her and allow her what she needs but sometimes when I ask she cannot even speak, she struggles to know the reflection from within or the one looking back at her. I will sit patiently and wait until she returns to me, I know she will, she is me and I am her. We have plans for the future, so she will return when the time is right and we will continue to grow and learn together as we are meant to do.