Shifting Moments On The Path
It’s strange how different things feel in my world during these moments compared to a few years ago. At one point I was moving along on my path then suddenly that path wasn’t there anymore, it just disappeared from sight. For the longest time I couldn’t gain my footing, I couldn’t see what was ahead of me…it all just felt sort of blank or scarce and even when I was reminded that this was part of the healing process and I was doing what my body, soul and mind needed, it wasn’t available for me to see or understand at that time. What an exhausting experience, searching for yourself in the rubble after everything feels as though its crumbled and burned beyond recognition.
I reminded myself so many times that this IS part of the process…just keep resting, allow yourself to sit, sleep, cry, paint, write, walk and be where your being is at in this moment. It’s what I’ve said to others a million times…it feels different when you’re talking to the reflection in the mirror; she sort of has to be willing to also accept it and move through it. My being is sassy and not always willing to cooperate with whats best for her, she is stubborn and often prefers to challenge her gut instinct or just ignore it. However, in the moments where I was beyond lost, empty, or nearly catatonic I could always feel the presence of my Knowing patiently waiting for me to find myself. Reminding me of moments ahead that would offer a more soothing and balanced way of being within these moments.
I can now look back at the last 2.5 years, and especially the last year and a half, and begin to see how my moments have lead me to where I’m at currently. At one point in this process I would grab my journals in the morning when everyone else left for the days they were going to have — and with every ounce of effort I would periodically write in as many as I could encourage myself to write in throughout the day. I took walks in nature while taking deep cleansing breaths and talking with beautiful humans - who peeled me off the couch and made sure I was breathing, eating, walking and refused to let me fade away into the walls of my home. I took pictures of nature while on our walks and created small video reels for myself to remember the value of these walks, to really recognize how profound the world around me really was - regardless of my circumstances. Each time we walked I felt willed with hope, purpose, connection and inspiration for another walk.
My belief now is that when we begin walking these path we can’t see where it will lead us, we just have to appreciate all the beautiful moments along the way and trust that with each step we take we’ll get to where we belong. I view my situation differently in this moment than I did other moments and I believe that regardless of the length of my path I will continue to create the spaces that I enjoy existing in and fill my moments with creative expression, compassionate souls and endless love.
