Where Does She Go?

Where does she go when she feels so far away from where she belongs? I often wonder this as I sit and wait for her to return. I know she isn’t far, I can feel her lurking around the sharp edges, trying not to be seen — but I know she’s there! I feel her angst and doubt and I wonder if she’s aware of how close she actually is to where she needs to meet her or if she believes she is lost in another dimension?? This is what it feels like most of the time, the in between and the spaces I reside. I wonder if she remembers the places we used to meet? The ones where we spent precious moments seeking new adventures and redefining what it meant to surrender from within — and from without?!! The places where she thought about who she’d become?! I wonder if she will remain patient with herself as she remembers all the places she left and how she misses them in her soul, like rooms that have been locked away and unvisited for centuries. I wonder those things sometimes!

She is the person who feels lost and distracted within her shell, she lacks her own permission to remember her humanness with the depths of compassion she allows for others. She appears to be in a state of hibernation with no end in sight….NOWHERE CLOSE!!!! And yet, somewhere in time she remembers the whispers of adventures they created and she knows they will find each other again. The “meeting of myself,” is what that shall be called!!!. Moving forward is the only option so the goal right now is finding ways to meet myself where I’m at and trusting that I can help myself get whatever I need. 

I am eager to rebuild myself with all I’ve got. I am determined to take my experiences and this journey to the places where I can offer anything within my power to others, so that they may have an easier walk than I did… or at least they will have some guideposts along the way if they may need it.