Yours Not Mine
Not enough space for all the things I think and feel. Not enough soft space to cover all the edges that are sharp and pointy. Not enough space for all the heaviness from the ruins that hangs above me. Allowing myself to acknowledge the struggle of what this is, to know that whether I decide to hold all these feelings, thoughts, experiences or not is my choice — and how I decide to approach them, sort them and understand them, is also mine to decide and create.
To think about the possibilities within my ability to create my very own “whatever I want for myself," and my “whatever I need for myself” regardless of what others say about me and my health. I’m tired of others who are not living within my skin walls and cannot hear my heart beating within her own rhythms, telling me what is going to happen to her. She is fragile in moments of deep sorrow. She digs deeply into all her moments to believe she has the permission she needs to exist, to continue to be here, to believe she should still dream about the possibilities she once felt were within her reach.
Please stop using the words you use to push her into the places she has worked tirelessly to return from. Please look further than the surface because there is a soul within her fighting to continue on the path that she recognizes as the places she needs to be. You do not have permission to push your weight onto her and press her further down, she will not allow for that.
She will stand up and press back so that she can be free from the sharpness of your edges. She will create whatever space she needs to protect herself from the heavy ruins you’ve placed above her….because your words are not her map. The weight of your energy is not hers to carry. And she has chosen to continue on the path she found with the support of those who offered her light, refuge, compassion and the ability to create the spaces she needs for the path she needs to be on. She also has decided that as the breath within her continues rising up and down and travels in and out her body and for as long as she can still hear her breath — she will trust her own rhythms and will continue to create the spaces she needs for herself. She will allow herself the permission she needs to make the choices and decisions that provide her with ability to breathe the deepest while she remains on her path.